So there's this cable and internet provider, Charter Communications. They're about average for cable companies, from what I hear: OK service, OK price, etc. Nothing especially bad I've ever heard about them, and nothing especially good. They're just The Cable Company in certain areas, that's all.

Except for one little thing: As of a year or two ago, they serve the Village of Hopkins, zip code 49328. Yes, if you live in the Village of Hopkins, you can be a Charter customer.

Now as it happens, our zip code is 49328. Now you might think that puts us in the Village of Hopkins; but in fact, all of Hopkins Township has the zip code 49328. That's a six mile by six mile area, while the Village of Hopkins is scarcely a half mile square. So even though we're in 49328, Charter doesn't offer service to our house.

But now here's the thing: cable and internet companies don't run a line from their office to each individual home. Instead, they run big trunk lines out; and then they branch local service lines off from those; and then they branch individual service lines off from those. It's vaguely like the circulatory system, with major arteries feeding minor arteries which feed capillaries.

For a lot of reasons, it's convenient for the companies to run their trunk lines along highway right-of-ways. After all, the highway is already going from one major population center to another, just like they want to route their service.

Now as it happens, we live just over a mile from the nearest highway. That puts us on the main road from the highway to the Village of Hopkins.

And that means that the local service line for Hopkins runs right through our front yard (I actually traced it back to the trunk line to confirm); but no matter how hard I try, no one at Charter can offer us cable or Internet service.

Right. Through. Our. Front. Yard.

If you go to Charter's online site, they ask for your address. I put it in, and get the answer: no service in your area. But the line goes Right. Through. Our. Front. Yard.

If you call their very helpful and friendly support line, they'll go a lot farther than the Web site does. I give them great points for really researching to see if they could sell us service. But in the final analysis, they can't offer us service. But the line goes Right. Through. Our. Front. Yard.

Now I can think of some plausible reasons:

• Maybe tapping into the local service line this far up from the Village of Hopkins would degrade service in the Village of Hopkins itself. It's not smart to degrade service for 500 potential customers for the sake of maybe 40 potential houses between the Village of Hopkins and the highway. (Honestly, I doubt there are 40 houses, but I haven't bothered to count.)


• Maybe tapping into the local service line has to be cost-justified by a certain population density in the vicinity. The Village of Hopkins has a population density of roughly 1,000 people per mile. Out here away from the village, our population density is probably less than 50 people per mile.


• Our ever-eager government regulators sell territories to these companies, allowing them to offer service to within a territory. Maybe the government hasn't offered our area in a territory.


• Or maybe the government offered our area as a territory, but not at a price Charter was willing to pay for around 10 houses per mile.

I don't know either the law or the technology, but any of these explanations would be convincing to me.

But still... Right. Through. Our. Front. Yard.

...I just saw my first mosquito.